Monkey Business

A celebration of writers

Here’s my iceberg introduction. I’m a Sunday Times bestseller under both my own name and that of my historical fiction pseudonym James Wilde. Several hours of my screenwriting has been produced on BBC1. My journalism has appeared in The Guardian, The Times and others. I’ve written comics for Image.

This Halloween the BBC will be broadcasting a major adaptation of my book Testimony under the title The Witch Farm. (You may remember that name from the hit podcast version from a couple of years ago.) The TV show will be rolled out across the world through other broadcasters.

Why iceberg? Because when you list your wins like that it’s the tip that gleams in the bright sunlight. What it doesn’t show is the vast bulk hanging below the murky surface, the rejections, the grind, the bad agents, the lack of industry intelligence that makes you feel you’re pitching into the void, the long, lonely hours, and all the rest.

You know, the kind of stuff all writers go through.

Once you decide you want to create stories, there’s no easy path. There can be breaks, yes, sometimes good fortune. But you have to have done the hard yards first. Randomly bump into an editor in a bar or bookshop, you get on well, they agree to look at your manuscript. Only you haven’t finished it or it’s in such a terrible state you couldn’t possibly send it out.

The break came and carried on travelling over the horizon.

When I got my screen agent, the first thing he said to me was, “Nobody’s going to do you any favours.” The message was: you’ve got to earn it all yourself. You’re on your own.

On one level he was right. Industry people certainly won’t do you any favours. They’re trying to manufacture their own success, keep their jobs, earn a crust. They haven’t got time for passengers.

But you are absolutely not on your own. The writing community has your back, always. None of the successful writers I know pull the ladder up when they reach the heights. They’re always looking to help other creators. Because they know what it took to get there. They wish they’d had someone on their side, showing them the pitfalls, shining a light when the night got too dark.

Which brings me to Infinite Monkeys.

This place has multiple uses, but most importantly it’s somewhere a community of writers can gather round the campfire, share war stories, pass on intelligence, laugh in the face of that void, and ultimately know that each one who turns up is not alone.

The way I see it now, and this could evolve, I’m going to be writing here about all the things I’ve learned along the way — books, TV, film, all of it. I’ll talk about getting agents and publishers, the dos and the don’ts, intel from commissioners, pitching to people in TV, detailing how I got my book picked up by the BBC, showing some of my own work. Reviews of books and movies and TV shows because it’s good to learn from the craft of others.

I plan to interview some industry people — I know a lot who owe me favours — and other creators too. It’s going to be a broad, flexible approach, both small stuff and big stuff, because all of it’s useful.

There will be an associated feed on Bluesky for those who want a more immediate reaction and somewhere to gather and chat. Seek out @infinitemonkeyshq.bsky.social. I’ll use the Notes section here on Substack a few times a day.

I’m planning to offer two tiers. The free tier will include just about everything I write available for a while before it’s archived. With a free subscription you’ll be able to comment under the articles and get to know each other. The very affordable paid tier — cheaper than a coffee a week — is for those who want to go deeper or to get extra information: regular Q&As where you can get answers to your own specific queries, full access to the archive, videos, scheduled one on one sessions, and for those who’ve found their way here through my own writing, exclusive fiction — short stories, chapters of upcoming works, sometimes the kind of stuff I like to do that is away from the mainstream.

I’m always open to suggestions. If you’ve got a topic you want me to address you can comment on the Notes I post or if you’re a paid subscriber you can message me directly.

Infinite Monkeys is a place for all writers, and readers and viewers too. The creative community is the best community. If you know someone who might be interested, please share this with them.

Together we can find a way through this.

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